theofficialpresidentoftheusa:

In this house, dumb bitch hours are 24 fucking 7

swarovskia:

me: wow things are actually going really well for once!

the crippling anxiety, waiting in the corner:

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New Yorker 1, on his deathbed: b..bada bing...
New Yorker 2, crying: bada boom.. bada.. boom..

paleotp:

When someone asks you what the smallest unit of matter is

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Alternate Universe Where Bones are Called Something Slightly Different

grumpysalmon:

[breaks leg] Argh, my boings!

lmaonade:

lmaonade:

oh my god i just killed it in the mcdonalds drive thru

she heard my order exactly, i didn’t stutter, no uhhhh from me. clean, normal human interaction, just a fluid conversation. so cool

soft-princesa:

glo and grow privately, 2018

me: i need to sleep
me: *masturbates*

lady-starkiller:

when you’re so sleep-deprived that you don’t even feel tired anymore

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